i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
