i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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