**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
