she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
