fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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