i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
