To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
