I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
