So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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