I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she told me i tasted like america
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i believe in u and ur pee
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
