May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
