dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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