lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
