I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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