Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
