All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
