CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
