I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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