she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
