I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
All the doctor said was why
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
