just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
