If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
