i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
