And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just invented taco cereal.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
