The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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