Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
