i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
