I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
