Do vagina's smell?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
