So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
