I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
