then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
