ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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