I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
