my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
