didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
