Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
