I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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