I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
