so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
