i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I touched a dick in church today
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
