Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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