either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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