Christians are straight up FREAKS
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
All I want is dick and wine.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
