Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
smell my finger.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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