He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
