no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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