I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
