you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
