God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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