There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
